I often hear from wives who tell me they fear their husband is no longer physically or sexually attracted to them. I often hear comments like, “I suspect he isn’t attracted to me anymore. He never really compliments me or really looks at me. He’s not as affectionate as he used to be. going?”
Sometimes there are signs that may indicate that your husband is not as attracted to you as he used to be or that, for some reason, he is not attracted to you right now. I will discuss some of these signs in the next article and also explain why these signs can sometimes indicate something else.
Some signs that your husband is no longer attracted to you: Very few women tell me that their husband never acted physically attracted to them. There was usually a lot of chemistry early on and then over time the behaviors that the sparks indicated start to change. Of course, what follows is not going to be an exhaustive list. Everyone is different. But here are some behaviors you’ll often see when attraction begins to wane.
Physical affection cools: Men are often attracted to visual stimulation. And most of the time, women respond more to emotional stimulation. That’s why men sometimes find things like lingerie vital, while women don’t get as involved in it. And, when something pleases a man visually, he will often follow it up with physical behaviors. When he realizes that your appearance or presence provokes a reaction, he will take it further and hug you, move closer to you, brush your arm, etc.
In other words, he will spontaneously want to connect with you on a physical level as a result of what he is seeing or experiencing. This is usually true even when you are busy and stressed. It only takes a few seconds to congratulate or communicate with someone. And even if her husband is not demonstrative, she will often see her appreciation and attraction in his eyes, body language, or the expressions on her face.
You’re avoiding focused time alone together: People who are deeply in love, connected, and attracted to each other usually have no reason to avoid each other, and will usually make an effort to find time to be alone and connect. But when one of the spouses no longer longs for this due to lack of affection, then she will often try to avoid the whole process.
They may tell you they have to work late, have other obligations, or are “tired.” Whatever reason they give you, they’ll try to avoid it once, especially if they know you’re going to mention or act on your suspicions. And sometimes when you’re together in the way I’ve just described, you’ll notice that they get quite awkward, resist eye contact, or move around uncontrollably. In short, you will only notice some discomfort or have the feeling that something is “off”.
He may be trying to tell you that he is “comfortable” instead of saying that you are no longer attracted to him: Most women in this situation have an intuitive feeling that something is wrong. It is very painful to think that your husband is not physically attracted to you, but the signs can be hard to ignore. So many wives will confront their husbands about this. Some will just come out and ask if she still finds them nice. And often husbands will tell them that he is, but that he’s just gotten “comfortable” and therefore isn’t as demonstrative.
You may hear comments like “We’ve been married for a long time. Do you expect me to keep acting like a teenager? We’re married. I’m obviously engaged to you. What more do you want?” Sometimes men take this approach because they really don’t want to delve into their feelings or they don’t want to hurt yours.
What to do if you think your husband is not attracted to you: Many wives in this situation start to feel really bad about themselves and make all sorts of assumptions about “letting go” or being “ugly.” And many will consider making very drastic changes. Please don’t punish yourself. And please understand that there is more to attraction than the way it looks.
In fact, when I talk to men about this topic, I almost always notice that appearance is not always what they focus on the most. Many will describe connection, care, trust, and appreciation as equally important. In fact, when a man tells me that he no longer finds his wife attractive, you can almost always also find that there is a disconnect in the relationship that existed before he started feeling that way.
People who feel unappreciated or unconnected with their spouse will often respond by “falling out of love” or not seeing their spouse as physically attractive. So before you blame her looks, take a look at your relationship status. Because in my experience, if a man feels loved, understood, supported and appreciated by her wife, he will often see her as a beautiful person both inside and out, even if her physical appearance is different from his own. that he had when they met.